There is something in my life that is progressively causing me more and more pressure in my life. It isn't unexpected bills, my job or my personal life.
I am talking about migraines.
I started getting migraines after my 37th birthday. There were these horrible headaches that caused me to take a pause in my life and I couldn't explain them. So I went to WebMD, which should be illegal mind you because of all the self diagnosing you can do to yourself on it. That very day I had diagnosed myself with sickle cell anemia, dutch elm disease and a brain tumor. But not just any brain tumor. My head aches were so bad that I knew that my brain was completely encapsulated and that there would be risky surgeries involved. Someone would post it on facebook, it would get noticed by Matt Lauer and my plight would become a national news story. Susan Lucci would play my mother in the Lifetime Made for TV Movie and I would write a book afterwards (provided I wasn't called to Glory) and then make the talk show junket spouting off the ways that my life had changed for the better. Hell, I probably would even become vegan.
I went to the neurologist who did one round of blood work and popped out with this migraine diagnosis.
Migraines?!? Are you freaking kidding me. I thought to myself as I stared at this doctor across the exam room. I didn't know who this yahoo was but at that moment I was sure he was full of sh*t. I scanned the room quickly looking for a degree that was written in dull crayon but couldn't find one, anywhere.
Now, I am one of those people who trusts doctors. Three of my dearest friends are doctors, good ones, and when they tell me something I believe them, but there was something about this one that really made me want to knock his smug look into the middle of next week. Knowing that was not a good idea, I decided to ask a few questions.
"I don't understand how I have migraines," I said. "I've never had a migraine before."
"Obviously you have," he answered. Now, if you know me well you know that he might as well have told me to F-off because directing sarcasm AT me does not leave one in my good graces. However, I figured I needed the knowledge he had so I continued.
"What causes them?" I asked.
"I have no way of telling you what causes them. They are triggered by different things in different people."
At that moment, as the pressure started to build and the pain crept around my left eye I realized that blatant arrogance was one of the triggers of mine. When he told me that I would have to have one triggered to find out what triggered it I decided it was time to leave. First, I had never heard the word "trigger" used so much and second, I thought it was in mine, and Mobile Infirmary Securities best interest if I just evacuated as quickly as I could.
Now, I am lucky in the regard that mine are not bad, but when I do get one I need a cold, dark, completely silent room. Don't ask how I am, if I need anything, or even tell me that the house is on fire and I need to leave because there is a good chance you are going to be hit by the first thing I can grab and throw at you. Consider yourself warned.
I have found my "triggers" are pretty common. Strong perfume or cologne, some kinds of shampoo and laundry detergent can trigger mine. A fluorescent light bulb that is about to go out can trigger one and the smell of the ENTIRE Kirklands store in Bel Air Mall can pretty much hospitalize me.
Oh, and talking to stupid people doesn't help them either.
So, I happily avoid all of the above. After all, life is far to short to be spent in a dark, cold, silent room....
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